Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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