I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize