i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
