theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
