how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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