Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
