she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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