I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize