watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she peed on how many people?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
