btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
