I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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