I heard we made out
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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