My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
