For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
