You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize