if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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