i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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