He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
