how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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