She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
