Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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