Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize