Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
