but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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