we have officially lost it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
