I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
