On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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