Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
