I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize