You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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