Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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