She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
