i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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