moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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