I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize