Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
