Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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