my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
