You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
don't judge my taste in strippers
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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