Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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