The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
