I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize