So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
