Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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