last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
