Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
