I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
