I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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