dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
