I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
