so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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