if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
