Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
