This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
