I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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