Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
