my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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