Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.

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(718): View more from New York

you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

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(315): View more from New York

thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.

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(760): View more from California

I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

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(229): View more from Georgia

Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad

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(805): View more from California

OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

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(207): View more from Maine

I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today

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(786): View more from Florida

His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.

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