There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize