we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think my moral compass just broke
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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