i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
