Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
