Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
