She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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