i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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