I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
