girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
