Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
