bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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