You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
