How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
