so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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