my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
