Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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