dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
