did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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