just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
