My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
