Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
